The Sociopath in Your Life. A book review.

Have you identified the Sociopath in your life?

I know that I’ve identified at least one in mine. I’m not big on self-help books. In fact, I rarely read them. My tastes usually go toward more brain candy than brain enrichment. But a friend that used to be a co-worker gave me a copy of Martha Stout’s book, The Sociopath Next Door. It’s not exactly intended as a self-help book, but it certainly helped me. I'd tell you more of the personal side of this particular story... but the person I'd talk about is a little too litigious.

The main point of this book is that Stout suggests and believes that 4% of the population or one in 25 people are sociopaths. What’s a sociopath? The basic definition is someone with a social disorder or the lack of conscience. Wikipedia has a pretty good run down of antisocial disorder here and I think most of us are familiar with the term by now.

Television and popular novels have used sociopaths over and over again. They are a perfect tool to create a compelling criminal or monster. A person that can steal hundreds of thousands of dollars from the elderly without any remorse; A person who can quietly spread lies just to watch someone break down in tears and question their very reality; A person that can look at a child in a busy restaurant and just pull the trigger – these are frightening people. They are people we can’t understand. These examples are ones that some of us have heard about in the news or from stories… but the scarier truth is that many sociopaths are never seen for what they are. This book helps make the reader aware of what people who lack a conscience are really like, how to recognize them and what they are capable of.

From The Sociopath Next Door:
Quote:

“Do Sociopaths understand what they are? Do they have some insight into their nature, or, instead, could they read this book from cover to cover and fail to see themselves reflected? In my work, I am often asked these kinds of questions, especially by people whose lives have been derailed by collisions with sociopaths whom they did not recognize until it was much too late.”

Personally, I found this book fascinating on several levels. As a writer always looking to better understand human psyche, this book gave me the clues to developing a sociopath as a character. As someone who had been derailed by a sociopath – it helped me understand why sociopaths behave the way they do. It opened my eyes and allowed be to bury the hatchet on a few issues that continued to linger with me. As someone who likes to learn new things and understand more about life in general, this book was intriguing.

In the book Stout provides insightful examples of sociopaths. She describes people that are realistic and believable. I was sure I had met people just like the ones she was describing. It was an awakening to read the characteristics and underlying guidance mechanisms of sociopaths. She also touches on the science and neurological aspects of the disorder – again, simply fascinating.

The key, which is so difficult to grasp, is that sociopaths truly do not care. They are willing to do anything they can think of to get what they want. They make the pretense of caring. They develop amazing skills for acting and manipulation. Stout also includes why sociopaths may have a place in society, what to look for and most importantly – 13 rules for dealing with sociopaths in every day life.

“1. The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people
literally have no conscience. These people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender. They look like us.”

“At present, Socipathy is “incurable”; furthermore, sociopaths almost never wish to be “cured”. In fact, it is likely that, building on the neurobiological configuration of sociopathy, certain cultures, notably our Western one, actively encourage antisocial behaviors, including violence, murder, and warmongering. These facts are difficult for most people to accept. They are offensive, nonegalitarian, and frightening.”

Now, I’m sure one of the reasons I found this book so interesting and helpful was because I had experienced an encounter with a person I could not understand; and I could not make peace with myself until I understood what had happened and why. I recommend this book to:

- Anyone who has ever wondered about people without a conscience
- Anyone going through a breakup of an unhealthy relationship (abuse, neglect, etc)
- Anyone that has been scammed by a “con-artist”
- Anyone who has asked the question, “how could he/she do something so cruel?” When confronted with a crime or situation that just seems unfathomable.
- A writer who wants to do some research on a sociopath for a character.