<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d36329712\x26blogName\x3dWriting+Aspirations\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://writingaspirations.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://writingaspirations.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d3425846030561062794', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Wednesday, May 30, 2007

13 Funny One Liners

Rashenbo's Edition #22
Thursday Thirteen #95
It's taken me a bit of time to get back in the groove after being away. I did get a job offer today and will be starting a new job next week, so that's a big relief! For now, I thought we could all use some chuckles and thought I'd share 13 one-liners that I find particularly entertaining.
1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
5. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
6. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
7. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
8. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
9. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose
10. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
11. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
12. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
13. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Labels: , ,

38 Comments:

Blogger Jenny McB said...

Uh, Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, can't believe that I hadn't heard that one yet.

Congratulations on your new job.

Thank you for stopping by this evening.

8:37 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

ROFL #3 and 12! I posted some jokes this week too. :)

And congratulations on the new job!

8:49 PM  
Blogger Anne Douglas said...

11. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Oh yes this describes this week - I got about 500words on my WIP done so far :(

8:54 PM  
Blogger lissa said...

Very amusing. Wish I could come up with clever things like that.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Real Poo! Real Poo!

Hmm. Why do I feel like an ass?



Figured you'd like that. *grin* Congrats on the new job! You ready for the summer reading contest? I'm hard at work; all you'll need to do is help plug it.

9:17 PM  
Blogger bunnygirl said...

I'm suppoed to use my shin to find the furniture? And here I've been doing it all wrong, using my bare toes!

Congrats on the job! I hope you love it!!!

9:27 PM  
Blogger Wylie Kinson said...

#11 - that's me!!

Very funny - thanks for the chuckle.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Too funny. I'll have to remember some of these for some great comebacks. Great list and have a Happy Thursday.

9:48 PM  
Blogger Thomma Lyn said...

HEE! I love these! I especially cackled over "Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!"

Thanks for the giggles, and congrats on the job!

Happy TT to you. :)

9:49 PM  
Blogger Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Hah, I love #11! Good luck with the new job.

10:02 PM  
Blogger L^2 said...

#6, 7, 12 & 13 - LOL!
And congrats on the new job :-)

10:17 PM  
Blogger All Blog Spots said...

nice blog

11:36 PM  
Blogger Raggedy said...

I am a collector of one liners and quotes..You have some here that I did not have...Thank you!
Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
My TT is posted.
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy

12:24 AM  
Blogger Raggedy said...

Congratulations on the new job!!!

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Joy T. said...

Congratulations on the new job! This was a great TT list. Nothing like heading off to bed smiling :o)

1:45 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Congrats on the new job and thanks for making me laugh!
My TT shares 13 things about the blue moon.

5:49 AM  
Blogger Mo said...

How funny! I escpecially like #12 -
I know so many like that!

(then, there's "Be Alert - The World Needs More Lerts.")

Glad you're back; Congrats on the new employment!

6:29 AM  
Blogger Miss Frou Frou said...

Hi, loved number two... particularly the buffyish like, night!

7:07 AM  
Blogger Rene Lyons said...

Ah. Shin. I hate that device.

8:12 AM  
Blogger Samantha Lucas said...

#9 about made me fall off the chair!!

10:57 AM  
Blogger Lori said...

Lmao....#4 is funny....and true. I agree with your list.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Dewey said...

These made me literally laugh out loud!

11:09 AM  
Blogger julia said...

I'm with Samantha Lucas - #9 made me howl. Also #7, Duct tape = The Force. Good one! But #2 is a sentimental favorite.

12:15 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Congrats on your new job!!!

3:28 PM  
Blogger JAM said...

Hope the new job goes well.

Loved the Coke / ice cube one. I'll have to use that myself sometime.

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

#11 is the story of my life! Ha!

5:02 PM  
Blogger Melessa said...

Oh my goodness! I would love to say #12 to someone, but I know I never could.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Kuanyin said...

Love #12 especially! :-) Happy TT!

8:27 PM  
Anonymous pjd said...

First person I know to have uttered #2 (day without sunshine) is a young Steve Martin. A true genius.

Another genius, Groucho Marx, had these (among others):
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

"I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."

"I was born at a very early age."

"Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

(I posted today, too, but mine are three-liners, not one-liners.)

11:36 PM  
Anonymous kristarella said...

Haha, too funny. Love it.

12:53 AM  
Blogger Lara Croft said...

Great list! I'll have to keep that handy for all those jerk, sorry I mean jokesters in the world. LC

11:29 AM  
Blogger Brad S. said...

Great list! I have that open mind problem myself. :)

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Laughing Muse said...

Congratulations on the new job!!

Here's another one for your collection:

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Naomi said...

I might have to adopt #8 as my personal motto. It fits so well with my lifestyle...

6:43 AM  
Blogger Joy Renee said...

snifing Coke... Boycott Shampoo!
ROTFLOL.

thanx for the giggles.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Hilarious! congrats on the new job!

6:38 PM  
Blogger bichonpawz said...

Great Blog! Loved your Thursday Thirteen!

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey your website is cool
Have a look at this crazy emo video:
http://tinyurl.com/9tqcum

3:07 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home