13 Funny One Liners

Rashenbo's Edition #22
Thursday Thirteen #95

It's taken me a bit of time to get back in the groove after being away. I did get a job offer today and will be starting a new job next week, so that's a big relief! For now, I thought we could all use some chuckles and thought I'd share 13 one-liners that I find particularly entertaining.

1. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

5. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

6. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

7. Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

8. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

9. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

10. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

11. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

12. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

13. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

A Thursday HAHA

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.

“What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is...”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”